Film Review: Legion

Legion is another entry of violent religious movies. In Legion, "God" realizes that our humanity is going to waste (probably because most of them pay money to watch Twilight, Avatar, and Transformers 2 over and over again). So he sends some angels to possess to human and making them into insanely brainwashed Christians on a zombie-esque killing spree. A falling angel named Michael (Paul Bettany) comes down to a middle of nowhere diner with a few other humans and packs a shitload of ammunition. He is protecting humanity and some baby that is still in the stomach of a chain smoking waitress. This baby is some sort of sign for a better humanity. So Michael and the survivors fight off religious zombies to save humanity. Puh-lease.

Let's start with the good, the first half is fucking hilarious, unintentionally. All I could do was laugh a the predictable dialogue, hammy acting, killings, racism, and Dennis Quaid (what the fuck is up with this guy lately?). The second half was just plain stupid.

There is one thing I learned, violence and pro-religious views don't mix (recall The Book Of Eli, The Passion Of The Christ, and Constantine).

Overall Grade: C-

Overall Grade:

Best and Worst Films of 2009

Best Films of 2009

Note: Films I didn't get to see: A Single Man, The Lovely Bones, and Crazy Heart

20. Broken Embraces
Not the best for Almodovar, but still a strong effort from him.
19. Looking For Eric
The story itselfs with pretty grim, but the tone is very light an it blends very well. One of ken Loach's best.
18. Surveillance
Coming from the daughter of Lynch, I would have thought the whole movie would have been very Lynchian, but that doesn't occur til the end, I've noticed the ending split people, I still enjoyed it.
17. Moon
Sam Rockwell is too good in this, too bad he got ignored award attention, this is one of the better sci-fi films I've seen in awhile.
16. The Hurt Locker
Best film that involves the Iraq War, The Messenger was close to being on the list, but this one beat it.
15. Bronson
It's like A Clockwork Orange, except Tom Hardy naked alot and beats the shit out of cops....alot.
14. Antichrist
One of the most disturbing films I've seen in years.
13. Where The Wild Things Are
I felt like a kid watching this.
12. Big Fan
It's a shame that Patton Oswalt got ignored any award attention for this, I don't think any other film can deliver a dark, realistic, and often funny look at an obsessed sports fan.
11. District 9
The other really good sci-fi film that came out this year.
10. World's Greatest Dad
This is the one movie I kept telling everyone to watch, this is Robin Williams at his best (yea, I typed that). Honestly, Williams needs to do R-Rated films from now on, his kids movies are terrible, I get more into that in a bit.
09. In The Loop
One of the smartest and most profane comedy I've seen this year, it's Dr. Strangelove, but with more F-Bombs.
08. The Road
One of the most depressing films I've seen in years, Viggo is probably going to get ignored when the Oscar noms come out.
07. Black Dynamite
This film is the most fun you'll ever have, if your a fan of blaxploitation flicks. This film is spot on, I've already seen more than 5 times.
06. Gommorah
This film is better than The Departed, nuff said.
05. Inglourious Basterds
One of Tarantino's best.
04. Bad Lieutenant: Port Of New Orleans
This is Nicolas Cage at his most wacked out, I actually like this version better than the Harvey Keitel version. Cage and Herzog need to team together again.
03. Fantastic Mr. Fox
One of the best flicks based on a children's book.
02. The White Ribbon
After I saw this, I couldn't get it out of my head for weeks.
01. A Serious Man
I personally liked it better than No Country For Old Men, like The White Ribbon, this one is still in my mind since I've last seen it.

Worst Films Of 2009:
15. Knowing
This movie made me laugh, but it was a less retarded version of 2012, this also continues the trend of shitty mainstream Nic Cage flicks.
14. Angels And Demons
This is just as stupid as The Da Vinci Code, also as stupid as the National Treasure movies.
13. Paper Heart
It had a not bad idea, but I was all I could think of in this movie was how many different ways to self-mutilate myself by using a spoon, I came up with several.
12. Dance Flick
Not as bad as White Chicks, but still stupid.
11. Miss March
Such a shame when this film came from members of The Whitest Kids U Know (which is fucking funny).
10. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
This made me hate Brett Ratner a little less, but I still think he sucks.
09. The Stepfather
How can you make a movie about a killer stepdad, but only kill people in the most PG way. Fail.
08. Pandorum
Why do people let Paul W.S. Anderson direct movies?
07. Jennifer's Body
The existence of this movie proves me few things:
1. Megan Fox can't act her way out bubblewrap
2. Diablo Cody did not deserve an Oscar for Juno, stick to striping.
3. Why the fuck do you leak topless pics of Megan Fox on the set, and not have it in the movie.
4. Why America's economy sucks
5. Hot Topic should not exist anymore
06. 2012
Overtly religious and overtly stupid.
05. Saw 6
The sad thing is that I didn't see all of 3 and didn't watch 4 and 5 and I didn't feel lost. Talk about story progressing, right? Why is 70% of the movie just footage of the previous movies. Another reason why test scores are going down.
04. Push
I'd rather look at an abortion then watch this again.
03. Old Dogs
You wonder why there are murderers out there, cause their brains get warped after watching shit like this and Wild Hogs.
02. Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
I can't believe this made over 400 million bucks in America, and at the same time, unemployments rates go up. (sigh)
01. Transylmania
This movie was the only film where it made me so angry, that I was kicking the seat in front of me throughout the movie (don't worry, there was only 7 people in the theater, 4 of them were enjoying the site of my expressive anger), after the movie, I really wanted to break whatever I saw. I took my friend's lighter and threw it on the ground.

The movie I didn't have to see to know I would have put it on the list:
Twilight: New Moon
My cousin explained to me the story of this film, I can't believe people like this shit. How the fuck can a vampire be a vegan? Why the fuck do they sparkle in the sun? How can anyone who is a male enjoy watching the flat faced fuck stare at the screen blankly for 40% of the movie? Of enjoy watching 17 year old boys without a shirt? This movie gets me no hope for humanity.

2010 Films Update

I kick started my new year with a few flicks.

Wonderful World

It's a shame that Matthew Broderick hasn't been in a good movie in the past few years. He plays the same role in this movie compared to the last couple duds (Finding Amanda, is the one I'm thinking of off the top of the dome). This is just one of those bland indie dramedies. Nothing bad about it, but nothing good about it either.

Overall Grade: C

Bitch Slap

Post-modern girl exploitation flick in the vein of Russ Meyer, except this doesn't come close to any Meyer has done. While there is plenty of violence, hot women, and lesbianism, the writing and directing doesn't even reach B-Movie standards. Just because your movie is intentionally chessy, doesn't mean that the whole movie has to be shot with a fucking green screen. Shooting a movie with a green screen only work when it's meant to be used for stylistic purposes (Sin City, 300, Sky Captain). Exploitation flicks never really used green screen, that is a big reason this movie fails.

Overall Grade: D+

Fish Tank

Add this to the list of good movies that Michael Fassbender has appeared in. This film has a Dogme 95 vibe to it. The acting is good and the film does display some gritty realism of the life of a British teenager. Go out and find this one.

Overall Grade: B+

Daybreakers

Compared to the recent trend of vampire movies, this one can be added to the good list. The story is interesting take on vampire stories, and the movies supplys some good action with some violence. My only complaint was that some of the explanations in this movie were a tad on the lame side, Other than that, I enjoyed this one.

Overall Grade: B

Yoouth In Revolt

This is Michael Cera's best film in awhile. This film reminded me of Jean Luc Godard's "Pierrot Le Fou", as far as plot similarities go. There are plenty of laughs and the plot is entertaining. Go check this shit out.

Overall Grade: B+

The Book Of Eli

This is the best religious movie I've seen. This is also Denzel at his most badass, too bad the story is uneven and the final twists were quite underwhelming.

Overall Grade: C+

Harry Brown

This movie is basically Death Wish, but starring Michael Caine. If you don't think that is a good movie, then your a moron and should stick to wasting your money watching the new Twilight movie 10 times.

Overall Grade: B+